Dec 27, 2021
Nick and his wife Stefany have some big news to
unveil on this episode of The Bare Performance Podcast: They’re
expecting a baby! With lots of exciting change and recalibration on
the horizon, the couple pause to reflect on how they got here and
where they’re heading. The one thing they know for sure about
parenthood is that it will require sacrifice, consistency and
passion – the cornerstones to achieving any dream worth having.
Fortunately, this is a drill Stef and Nick have come
to know well. Over the course of their relationship and the
evolution of BPN, they’ve acquired some valuable tools that they’re
here to share. Enjoy the reality check!
Social media often throws up a veneer that obscures
all the struggle required to make a remarkable life. Stef is
joining Nick to talk about the reality behind those rose-colored
Insta posts and FB updates; and that truth is ugly at least some of
the time, no matter who you are or what your circumstances appear
to be. This conversation highlights the inevitability of bumps in
the road – whether in the context of starting an entrepreneurial
venture like BPN or launching a new marriage, as the couple did in
2020. The first year (or years!) of pursuing a goal can be
destabilizing, exhausting, frustrating and scary. But Nick and Stef
are here to reassure you: It’s all okay. There is no blueprint. But
wisdom and appreciation are on the other side of that path through
the messiness, so long as you’re willing to show up and ride it
out.
This candid conversation is about more than preparing
for the inevitable “mud” associated with pursuing our dreams. It’s
about actually embracing the messiness, knowing that it’s from
adversity that the most impactful lessons and greatest depth of
understanding emerge. You’ll enjoy the personal anecdotes Stef and
Nick share – experiences from both their marital and professional
journeys as well as some of the communication skills they have
deployed to cope with stresses like infertility, obsessive marathon
training, entrepreneurial challenges, differing morning rituals and
expectations.
They explain (and exemplify) why it’s better to be
consistently good than occasionally great – a formula that has
driven Nick’s business success. Stef meanwhile brings to the mix
patience and insight. Above all, they both know what it means to
sacrifice and are sharing thoughts about exactly what it
takes.
You’ll come away from this episode understanding what
makes this indomitable couple tick. And stay tuned around July
4th, 2022 – when Baby Bare is
scheduled to join the team. It’ll be a whole new journey whose
peaks and valleys Nick will undoubtedly share along the way.
Click
here to listen to/rate/review previous
episodes of The Bare Performance Podcast. You can also find out
more about Nick’s performance nutrition and health supplements
here.
- (01:09): It’s official! Nick and Stefany share
details about how and when they found out they were expecting a
baby.
- (02:50): Nick and Stefany open their conversation
with thoughts on the unseen scaffolding – the private, quiet, daily
choices – that support the achievement of a dream.
- (04:00): What actually goes into making dreams
happen, including all the mess (and stress). Nick and Stefany want
to help us set realistic expectations.
- (06:45): You can go really fast alone, but you can
go farther together. Going together, however, means understanding
that there are consequences – ancillary impacts with every decision
you make.
- (07:42): Nick shares thoughts on three things that
most commonly prevent people from reaching their goals or realizing
their dreams: (1) An unwillingness to make the sacrifices.
- (09:35): The second element most often missing
among those who fail to achieve their dreams: (2) Consistency. It’s
more important to be consistently good than occasionally great. As
Stef attests, Nick excels at showing up and executing, day after
day.
- (11:57): The third (and most important) factor that
prevents people from fully realizing their goals? (3) A lack
of passion. You
have to want it badly enough – not for someone else, but for
yourself.
- (15:30): Why Stefany wanted to co-host this podcast
and lift the veil on all the dynamics at play behind the social
media veneer – the Instagram posts or FB updates. She and Nick want
to get real and help others to set realistic expectations about
what it looks like to pursue a dream (whether it’s personal,
professional, athletic or otherwise).
- (18:38): Nick’s primary message: You don’t deserve
anything. Everything is earned.
- (19:51): When he launched BPN, he had no idea what
would be required of him or the time it would take (five years) to
see that first million dollars in revenue. That year, 2017, was
also the first year Nick was able to write himself a modest
paycheck.
- (22:50): BPN’s success is the result not of strokes
of brilliance, but Nick’s and his team’s commitment to trudge
through the mud and keep going. And they’re still not home
free.
- (23:51): Stefany brings up the concept of a toolkit
– skills and perspectives that can help us navigate any journey.
Including those times when sacrifice might seem overwhelming,
especially from a spouse’s point of view.
- (27:05): Important Note: You can’t just keep adding
things. At some point you have to recognize that you’re taking away
from something else. Nick’s decision to pursue Iron Man training
makes a great example of the trade-offs and impacts on his
relationship.
- (30:34): Stefany shares thoughts on how marriages
can suffer (and resentment build) when sacrifices and expectations
aren’t clearly established. There has to be an “informed
confrontation,” i.e. communication around choices being made.
- (32:43): When it comes to the passionate pursuit of
a goal, there is no way of avoiding the tradeoffs: Sacrifices
aren’t made in a vacuum.
- (36:00): Stefany recalls arguments that she and
Nick had about his running schedule and how it impacted what she
needed/wanted in their marriage. In the end, she figured out how to
shift her prism and accept sacrifice as part of a mutual commitment
to their life together as a whole.
- (38:25): About prioritizing: Knowing what’s most
important goes hand-in-hand with sacrifice. Once that’s
established, you can figure out how to eliminate the extraneous and
focus on what’s truly most crucial. Non-negotiable: You must learn
how to say no.
- (43:40): Nick explains how he defines good great
and remarkable, shaped in part by
"Purple Cow: Transform Your Business by Being
Remarkable," by Seth Godin.
- (45:43): About the word “balance,” which can mean
different things to different people, and what it means
specifically within the context of Stef’s and Nick’s
life.
- (48:16): Nick shares a story about a total failure
of balance – and how he and Stef learned to maneuver through some
of his somewhat obsessive training (which were sometimes at odds
with her own goals and needs). This kind of negotiation will happen
again, but they’re committed to understanding each other in order
to evolve and grow.
- (53:37): Slow and steady wins the race! Stefany
talks about the role of patience and a willingness to delay
gratification. Nick has had to train himself to understand that
long-term results require some measure of day-to-day patience.
- (57:10): Maturity and growth take time. Even though
he wanted BPN to hit immediately, Nick now sees the wisdom and
appreciation he has cultivated over the long haul. He muses on how
the same principles will apply to his marriage and parenthood over
time.
- (59:00): Stefany shares that patience played a role
in how she managed through the year it took before she got pregnant
– and how sweet it feels and how thankful she is now that the
moment has arrived.
- (1:01:00): Comparison is “a thief of joy.” Nick and
Stef reflect on over-sharing and the poisonous impacts of constant
exposure to everyone else’s shallow reflections. It’s a distraction
that prevents us from thinking deeply.
- (1:04:00): About awareness: Why Stef and Nick
believe that intentionality is so powerful, right down to choosing
with whom to have beers. Is the conversation negative, complaining
or tearing others down? Or is it energizing, uplifting and full of
ideas?
- (1:06:40): Stef shares insights she garnered
dealing with situations where working with difficult or toxic
people was unavoidable. She learned how to minimize those negative
interactions and hold her boundaries.
- (1:08:55): Therapy proved helpful for Stef and Nick
when they were at a point not so much of looking back as looking
down – from a 10,000-foot perspective – to understand more deeply
the dynamics impacting their relationship. It’s an approach that is
equally applicable to building a business or pursuing any life
goal.
- (1:16:33): Stef shares the impact a quote from
Matthew McConaughey in his book
"Greenlights" has had on how she does her job in social
media as well as how she interacts with people and within her
marriage: “Sometimes you don’t need advice. You just need to know
that you’re not alone.” Communicating that message
was at the heart of this episode. Nick and Stef are sending out
best wishes (and some practical experience from the trenches) for
everyone pursuing a dream in the year ahead.
Further Contacts/Resources:
Bare Performance
Nutrition: www.bpnsupps.com
BPN's Instagram: www.instagram.com/bpnsupps
Nick Bare: www.nickbare.com
Nick's Instagram: www.instagram.com/nickbarefitness
Stef's Instagram:
www.instagram.com/stefany.bare